Monday 1 March 2010

The Rabbit Blows his Trumpet

It’s true: there is life after death! Herman van Rompuy, known affectionately as Rumpy Pumpy, has attempted something of a coup; he has been accused by the governments of the European Union of making a power grab, of attempting to give life to his lifeless office.

Are we really taking about the same man? Is Rumpy Pumpy capable of such a thing? Yes, apparently we are; apparently he is. The Germans and the French backed him for office on the understanding that he would simply act as chairman of the European Union rather than, well, act as a president, his nominal title. He and Baroness Ashton, the foreign affairs supremo, were just a couple of colourless mediocrities on top of the Lisbon cake.

I’m genuinely perplexed. I still do not know what the whole stupid constitution that is not a constitution was about, all that fuss and effort, all that sound and fury signifying nothing. All that sound and fury signifying Rumpy Pumpy and Baroness Ashton, whose only virtue is to make ugly women feel good about themselves. Could anything be madder than the ridiculous ESU? I’m so looking forward to seeing Tim Burton’s version of Alice in Wonderland because I want to see what a sane world looks like.

Sorry for that digression. Getting back to Rumpy Pumpy, Germany is particularly incensed that he is assuming powers to himself that he was not meant to assume. Apparently at the meeting in early February to discuss the Greek crisis it was agreed that Rumpy would take on extra powers, so he says; no it was not, so the governments say. Rumpy says that he now has the right to lead the European negotiation team at the G20;

There was agreement to take better account of the international dimension. This includes a thorough preparation of the EU position for G20, allowing me to effectively and forcefully represent the EU’s positions in this important forum.

Rumpy can effectively and forcefully produce an extended split infinitive but I for one simply can’t imagine him effectively and forcefully doing anything else! I wait to see how this crisis in a tea cup develops. Rumpy, I imagine, will rise only to fall back down again.

Ridicule and satire, yes, they are the weapons best employed against the absurdity of the ESU, this crazy patchwork monster, this anti-democratic Jabberwocky. And since I have mentioned Alice Rumpy is now lodged in my mind as the White Rabbit. It just suits his personality so; it just suits his role.


  1. "whose only virtue is to make ugly women feel good about themselves"

    It would of course be discriminating to leave out the positive effect H. v. R. P. has on ugly men.

    "Germany is particularly incensed that he is assuming powers to himself that he was not meant to assume"

    Surely the EU non-constitution clearly defines the role and limits of his powerless position? How is it possible for him to do so unless whoever drafted the constitution/treaty wanted to allow for this to happen?

    The man looks and sounds well out of his depth and I don't think he'll last long if he's already riling the Germans. That said, I'd rather see no-marks elected as president than someone who might get away with a power grab.