Monday 6 December 2010

Vladimir’s Vest


“Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the earth.” These immortal words by Dale Arden came immediately to mind in reading a report in the Times on Friday about Obama’s stalled nuclear arms reduction treaty with Russia. He has only three days – that was three days ago! – to persuade a single recalcitrant Republican senator to agree the plan. And if he does not, well, Premier Putin is rattling his nuclear sabre, saying in ominous terms that Russia will be obliged to “ensure its security by different means.”

Poor little Vladimir, always so keen to appear tough, even so far as being photographed in his vest, a rather absurd Slavic Rambo! Well, when I say poor I don’t really mean that he is poor, at least not in financial terms. At the head of his FSB (a new bottle for the old KGB wine) secret state, he has, so it is said, amassed billions of dollars in personal wealth, a modern example of the excessive greed that Bastiat warned of in The Law. This has come out in WikiLeaks but it’s nothing new; as long ago as 2007 Stanislav Belkovsky, a Russian political analyst, alleged that Putin was the richest man in Europe, his fortune acquired by shady energy deals, not stopping short of outright extortion and expropriation.

There really was not much in the way of virtue in the Soviet Union, but the corruption of the old Kremlin is nothing compared with that of the new. It would be interesting to know exactly by what process handbag FIFA, another corrupt organisation, awarded the 2018 World Cup to Russia, a virtual mafia state. That’s not my view, I should add, it’s the view of the State Department, revealed in leaked cables. I really had to say that just in case some plutonium assassin is preparing to make yet another journey to England.

Sorry, I just can’t help myself: I have to say a word or two more about that vest! There he is, the Russian Rambo. This sort of thing must go down well in the East. After all, they don’t do humour or satire there, or, if they do, they end up dead. Look at him, a man in his late fifties displaying himself dressed down in such a low class fashion. Just imagine if, say, Barack Obama or David Cameron disported themselves like this. The response would be waves of uncontrollable laughter, the sort of thing that greeted ‘that picture’ of Andrew Neil. But Russia is a foreign country; they do things differently there.

There was a time, though, when politicians, all politicians, were expected to dress in a sober fashion, to behave always with dignity. Friedrich Ebert, the first president of the Weimar Republic, was unwise enough to allow himself to be photographed in a swimming costume, one of those old-fashioned affairs that covered the upper body as well as the lower. Ever after he was greeted by right-wing opponents of the regime waving these costumes on flagpoles. So, if you don’t like Putin you know what to do: wave a vest on a flagpole! Yes, you could, but only if you really want to see some of the more obscure parts of the Lubyanka. :-)

48 comments:

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  6. Adam, this has nothing at all to do with Putin’s achievements and everything to do with his vanity. Absurd, pompous and vain politicians are always worthy of death by satire. I have done exactly the same for Sarkozy, such a little person, and Berlusconi, that dirty old Lothario. If I find Putin laughable that’s my business. I find your slavish praise for this country slightly ridiculous, totally without any sense of critical detachment. Have you been to Russia? If you think crime is decreasing I would urge you to be extra vigilant, as I was urged by the doorman at the National Hotel in Moscow. Have I ever quoted you? Not that I remember.

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  10. We saved Poland only to give it to Stalin! If it wasn't for Nazism I personally would have wished every success to Barbarossa in 1941, as many of the citizens of that slave empire did initially.

    I repeat, Adam, I do not like vain, shallow and silly politicians, worthy of comedy and satire. I made fun of Sarkozy because his sensitivity over his height goes so far as wearing built-up shoes and standing on tip-toe beside foreign leaders taller than himself, which means he stands on tip-toe quite a lot. He even went so far as arranging a TV show, with people behind him even shorter. This is the stuff of ridicule going right back to the origins of comedy.

    Do I find Vladimir Putin 'beautiful'? Good God, no. :-))

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  13. No, I would have supported war against communism as I would have supported war against Bolshevism in 1918. The Ukrainian traitors, I imagine, included many who saw their families die in the Holodomor. Those in the Baltic States would have witnessed the mass deportations of 1940-1941.

    I will mock whoever as the occasion arises. I do not restrict my targets.

    You are at liberty to find him beautiful. I repeat: I think he is laughably absurd, a little like Ebert…or Andrew Neil.

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  14. I should add that fifty eight year old balding men in a late mid-life crisis simply don't do a thing for me. :-))

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  18. GO easy on us old guys will ya. Putin should be made the Czar of Russia and MGON given a position in his Royal Court and everyone will be happy.

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  21. Putin's PR pix present him as a proletarian thug - a gangster who rules by brute force rather than intellectual subtlety. Given the history of soviet mistrust of intellectuals - especially Jewish intellectuals - this may play very well with those who form his power base. In fact, it may be necessary in order to hold on to power in a post-soviet Russia wracked by real gangsterism and threatened along its southern border.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/dec/06/wikileaks-cables-nato-russia-baltics

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  23. Adam, no I would not, nor would I have advocated a war on Russia. My point was made specifically in the context of the 1941 invasion. If the Germans had come as liberators, rather than bone-headed Nazi racists, things could have been so different. I'm also firmly of the view that the Communist-backed Popular Front in Spain had to be overthrown and defeated. I've made no secret of this.

    In your girlish admiration for this man you are absolutely missing the point. It's not about his alleged beauty or his big pecs; it's about dignity and gravitas. He is not an actor or a sportsman, he is a politician, now Prime Minister of his country. To display himself like this makes him look thuggish and cheap, makes him look like a joke. I most certainly don't want to have this risible little man's physique - not at any age! I can't believe for a moment that you would have gushed so if David Cameron had displayed himself in such an undignified and oikish manner...even with big pecs. :-))

    You commented on my blog about William Hague earlier this year, so you may recall the fun I had at his expense, but do refresh your memory if you have to. And as for David 'the Banana' Miliband I've made more than enough comment about him in the past.

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  24. Anthony, sorry, no disrespect was intended! I'm not really being 'ageist', I'm not targeting all men in late middle-age. Just one. :-)

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  26. Calvin, that's certainly the impression it gives me. Putin clearly has a poor grasp of semiotics, either that or he knows exactly to whom he wishes to appeal.

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  28. Adam, I repeat, though I honestly don't think there is much point in doing so, that I have no resentment at all of Britain, but you seem to see resentment everywhere. I find lots of people attractive, lots of my male and female friends, people you do not know. I find certain actors and actresses attractive. I can't think of anyone in political life that I find attractive, apart from one whom I am not prepared to mention. :-)

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  30. He's a personal friend. I don't think it proper to mention him by name. Bye for now.

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  31. I was v disappointed to learn that something I read in an Italian paper yesterday, about Pooty-Poot hunting with Berlusconi, according to which Putin shot a bear, and then ripped out its heart, gifted it to Berlusconi, at which Berlusconi's Russian-speaking "aide", Valentine Valentino Valentini fainted, was apparently a spoof, and not a genuine release from Wikilieaks.

    Stanislav Belkovsky I think of as a serial bullshitter. Which isn't to say that he never tells the truth so much as he intersperses fragments of truth with much nonsense, so much so that it can be hard to tell them apart. Disinformation, if you want to call it that. To what end (or for the benefit of whom exactly - there is a definite whiff of internal Kremlin power-politics about him) I am not entirely sure. I recall seeing him once (at an event in London organised by a Blairite think-thank: so suckers aplenty, round about 2004) at which he was quite adamant that Putin was a modest and humble man who really did not seek wealth and power, and who was looking forward to nothing more than retiring from public life, which he would do, without fail in 2008, being glad that he no longer had to shoulder the burden he had taken on.

    Belkovsky is kind of an interesting figure of a recognisable "type" in his own right, the intentionally inscrutable Russian who will spout nonsense and then hide behind his beard.

    While it is undoubtedly true that Putin is motivated by a sense of duty to the state (think of him turning up to offer his services at the office of the KGB aged 15 or 16!), I can't but suspect a certain (and wholly understandable) enjoyment in his real-life action man (amd killer and healer of wild animals) persona...


    And Calvin, I agree almost entirely, except on your very final point. The various attempts thus far to deal with the insurgencies in various parts of the North Caucasus have been almost wholly ineffective. Chechnya is kind of semi-pacified at the hands of a tiger-owning thug, but the neighbouring regions are more unstable than ever (and the extent of the instability, the sheer quantity of assasasinations of officials and police, and of bombings, and suicide bombings) almost entirely unreported internationally, except when something on a very large and horrific scale happens. I think Putin's "proletarian thug" image (and his dry, but incredibly coarse, sense of humour) may play well with (ethnic) Russians (or at any rate potential rivals for power), but in the Caucasus....it's a different matter.

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  32. @ MGON:On the height issue,it is really about proper porportion.

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  34. Dominic, yes, I know about his relationship with Berusconi, another object of fun for me. Thanks for that amplification about Belkovsky, of whom I know next to nothing.

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  37. Anastasia

    Firstly in jest, I loved it that you address him as Vladimir. I like Russian names and his is one of the best.

    Secondly, philosophically speaking according to the Jaksonian School of Philosophy, man is formed by where he is born, then when and where he grew up and finally where he spends the rest of his life. That makes Vladimir a Russian through and through.

    Most countries are islands onto themselves and their Nations, not only by the general definition of an island but in Philosophy. England is an Island, and Australia is one albeit a very large one. So is America since Obama; you could call it the Island of Obamaland.

    The continent of Africa consists of more than 50 small island Nations all at war with each other.

    Then up there, north of the African Continent where you find Europe, to the right [east] of that you find Russia and China surrounded in many places by small island nations but attached to them by the soil of a single Continent.

    Remember I said it is the Jaksonian Philosophy. Whoever wants to differ from it may state their views.

    But in this philosophy all my hope and faith for a prosperous peaceful World rests on the two current World Super Powers, Russia and China, both firmly attached to the Continent of Europe and her soil.

    I don’t like macho appearing men that later turn out to be wimpy effeminate little mice; but either way I don’t agree with people [this is not aimed at you – more at Americans really than anyone else] that Vladimir is a macho, a snob, a ruffian or an enemy. I rely on these two giant powers to Rule the World scene until the World can get itself back into shape.

    And right now Vladimir is the best man for Russia, which makes him the best man for me. Yes, I actually do like Vladimir.

    Did you BTW know that he is and outdoorsman and a keen horseman; a darn good horseman too according to some sources?

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  38. Ike, thanks; yes, so I have heard. I've actually written here in praise of Putin in the past, in praise of the stability he brought to Russia after the chaos of the Yeltsin years. But now I see him and his kleptocracy something to be wary of. I do return, though, to the essential point - I have no time for vanity and personal preening in politicians. If makes them all fair targets for the gun of satire!

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  39. Anastasia

    You refer to satire on politicians in your reply to my comment. I agree with you and hope that you realize that is what I was doing in my rather lengthy contribution,

    However, I think you misunderstood Vladimir when you say “Premier Putin is rattling his nuclear sabre” at Obama. Our Vladi knows that he has what is needed to back-up his words; but not only that. Vladi also knows he can call Obama’s bluff anytime he wants. When it comes to a scrap I will put my money on Vladimir and China.

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  40. The thing is, Ike, Russia can no more afford the strain of a new nuclear arms race than America. Putin is sensible enough to know that the old one sucked the life out of the Soviet Union and that a new one will suck the life out of a reasonably buoyant domestic consumer sector, an important part of his popularity. And if if came to a scrap I'd put my money on Krusty the Clown before Barack Obama!

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  41. OK Anastasia, I take your point on the economics of the arms race. But I like the bit “And if it came to a scrap I'd put my money on Krusty the Clown before Barack Obama!” Well said.

    Perhaps the best way to handle any politician is to ridicule the sod.

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  45. I think Mr. Putin looks great. No use comparing whether Obama, Cameron or Sarkozy posed like this in a tank top how it would appear. They would look rediculous because they don't have the physique. I am a physical trainor and for me, while not agreeing with his politics or his style, Mr. Putin has a great build. And he is quite at ease with his body. Most people, let alone politicians do not possess this. I would suggest that it is this that you are reacting to more than anything else.

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  46. Rick, just imagine if, say, Obama had the physique (perhaps he has) he would still look ridiculous posing like this. Imagine Stalin in such a pose. Quite frankly it's laughable. Political leaders have to maintain a certain gravitas.

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