Dead Parrots

I woke up on Friday morning with the determination to get out and vote as early as possible, to vote NO, to reject the Alternative Vote, the shabby compromise which would have replaced the existing first past the post method of sending our representatives to Parliament, a compromise designed to give the Liberal Democrat Party a perpetual hold on power.

I was happy when I voted, quietly confident that the Yes camp had lost. What a change from earlier this year when I thought that the British people were sleepwalking into this change, driven there like sheep bleating about ‘fairness.’ But I love a fight, especially when I’m in a corner, there always at my toughest. I blogged against it here and on other sites; I argued against it at university in debate, with friends, with anyone who was prepared to listen, people whose minds had not been completely befuddled by ‘fairness.’

Perhaps I need have written or said nothing. In the end the public face of the Yesers was probably the best ally the Noers had. There is Corporal Clegg, of course, the leader of the Limp Dumbs and Deputy Prime Minister, a tremendous asset now that everyone disagrees with Nick. He’s clearly set to become a crutch for the sore losers, now advancing the argument that the referendum, their referendum, was a popularity contest in which Clegg got a good kicking, not because the platform was wrong but because he is Clegg! They did not lose the argument, oh no, of course they did not; the whole thing was just so terribly unfair, the perpetual bleat of these perpetual losers.

Yes, losers like the risible Eddie Izzard, one of the celebrities who fronted the Yes campaign, who, incidentally also supported joining the euro, a ‘comic’ who is in fact a clown, and I say that without a trace of irony. There was Dan Snow, who really is a comic, conceivably the most laughable excuse for a historian that this country has ever produced. There is that fat arse Stephen Fry, professional twit and tweeter, a man who has never had sex with a woman but knows all about how women feel about sex. If Izzard, Snow and Fry are yes the answer always has to be no!

Speaking of tweeting, no sooner had I voted than I went online, went to Twitter, just to see the buzz. There were lots of Yes people there, still rising in the dawn of Armageddon. I simply could not resist a counter-attack, could not resist having a spot of fun at their expense. “Don’t believe what David Cameron is saying”, one response came. “I have no idea what Darling Dave thinks about AV, never having read him.” I replied, “But I sure as hell know what I think!” To another who suggested that all supporters of electoral ‘reform’ leave for some place with a ‘fairer’ voting system I said “Try Fiji!”

Yes, I had a spot of fun; I just couldn’t help myself. I had even more fun on Friday evening, more than my usual intake of champagne cocktails, when it became clear that the people had not just rejected AV but rejected it in such resounding terms, consigning it to a political crypt, there never to rise again. It’s as well to be cautious, though, for there is still poison in the system, still the bleating pleas for ‘reform.

The vote was a vote for conservatism, something the Liberal Democrats find impossible to understand. They are still prepared to tamper with the constitution not in the name of ‘fairness’, a political fig leaf, but for their own sectional interests, to get more of their people into positions of power.

Writing in the Guardian, Tim Farron, a Liberal Democrat MP, helpful ‘reminds’ his Conservative partners in the present coalition government that they are wedded to a promise to abolish the House of Lords in favour of a wholly elected upper chamber, based on, based on what exactly? Can you guess? No? Well, it’s to be based on proportional representation. So, electoral ‘reform’ thrown out of the front door is to be introduced through the back. Here we are; they are already suggesting another pointless, expensive and irrelevant exercise, something else nobody wants, nobody but the Liberal Democrats.

Never mind them; they are once again knocking on the door of Nemesis, once again experiencing the strange death that George Dangerfield wrote of so brilliantly all those years ago, torn apart by the fault line in British politics, which does not allow for a flabby centre. David Cameron says that there should be no gloating over the AV vote. To hell with that; let’s gloat! The Lib Dems are the irrelevant party. I’m reminded of something, oh, yes; I’m reminded of dead parrots.

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!