Life is full of regrets of one kind or another, though more in the dusk, I imagine, than in the dawn. There are always choices to be made, always paths to be taken. To take one closes down all of the others. Inevitably, in retrospect, one is bound to think that things might have been better – not just different- if the other paths had been taken. It really is an existential thing.
On a simple human level one is also bound to feel a degree of regret over the pain caused to others, not that things could have been any different, or that it’s possible to go through life without causing pain. I know that I have caused my parents quite a high degree of anguish, especially when I was in my mid-teens. I do regret wounding them, sometimes unnecessarily so, which is not to say that I would have behaved differently, at least not in some cases. There are also choices to be made in love, difficult and hard choices. But one cannot live through sacrifice for the sake of others; at least I can’t.
I’ve never really regretted being anything other than I am. I’m an only child of loving parents who always did their best to nurture and encourage every talent I had, and several that I did not. I was never limited in any way, never made to feel that some doors were closed simply because I was female. I am, however, delighted to have been born a girl, never for a moment thinking how much better it would have been if I had been a boy. I can combine so many dimensions, intellectual, emotional and intuitive in a way that males do not generally do. It’s a kind of power, I suppose, the power of a woman.
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ReplyDeleteWelcome. :-)
ReplyDelete"But one cannot live through sacrifice for the sake of others;"
ReplyDeletethis is actually the biggest difference between western and eastern culture, and also the most important thing i learned from from western culture.
yes, we all have right to live a life as we wish and do not regret about our choices made by ourselves, even end up going to hell.
"i don't regret", is that what don giovanni says at the end of opera? i guess it is.
very good thought and well written.
I hope you don't think I'm being too selfish here, yun yi. I was thinking of times when I've fallen out of love though my partner has not. The pain can be terrible but there is an even greater pain in being false to onself.
ReplyDeleteI too have the burden of knowing I have caused my parents some grief over the years especially in regards to my medical woes and the fact I have considered suicide in the past. You sound like you have given past life experiences a lot of thought lately but I’m glad to hear you wouldn’t change a lot of them I think to many people look back with regret not realizing it’s these experiences that make us who we are and on a lighter note I’m glad you weren’t born a guy as well, lol, I thought I’d lighten the mood there at the end as I tend to get a bit emotionally heavy.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this with me, Andrew, and you can be as heavy, or as light, as you wish. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, did you catch my response to your Braveheart comments on BlogCatalogue? I'm so glad you, as a Scot, said these things. You really have inspired me to write something on the subject, so please call in again tommorrow night. Now I really must go to bed; I'm so tired. I keep telling people this and then something calls me back!
no ana. i know what is selfish. love is above everything but freedom is even higher position:-)
ReplyDeleteAna, I too grew up without siblings. But I have sometimes wondered whether a one child family is a family at all? What I mean is that it seems natural that there are a number of children rather than one. One seems too contrived as if the parents see anything more as an inconvenience. Of course, some will argue that they cannot afford more than one child. This is especially true in China. But in the UK where society rewards rather than punishes a family for having more than one child it is not so often a matter of economy. For me a family means more than one child. Otherwise, I think I would prefer to have no family at all :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, yun yi. I'm glad you understand.
ReplyDeleteNobby, I never felt deprived in any way and my parents were always highly attentive. I did spend a lot of time growing up away at school but I loved that and I've never been short of friends.
ReplyDeleteHi Ana,
ReplyDeleteVous avez raison mon ami.
But I don't know why would anyone
want to treat you unkindly.
Ana, I also have no regrets about being one. And, I have never found that friends are hard to come by either. But it can sometimes appear too convenient to applaud what we already are.
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ReplyDeleteHarry, I'm delighted to say that nobody does.
ReplyDeleteNobby, yes, I suppose that's true. But I have a conceit that life has not yet worn away. :-)
ReplyDeleteAdam, I'm sorry, I don't.
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ReplyDeleteYes, I'm sure it would be.
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ReplyDeleteIt's a pity that you did not pursue it further.
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ReplyDeleteWell, if you will call for the return of LSD. :-))
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ReplyDeleteI've watched some of the earlier episodes, not many so far; I've not had the time. I'll catch up after my hols, before the new term begins, I hope. My initial impression after two or three is that the comedy is quite innocent, and I don't say that as a bad thing.
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ReplyDeleteI love Have I Got News for You, though I'm not really sure that counts as a 'comedy' as such. I used to really like Harry Enfield and old shows like Monty Python. But the shows I enjoy the most are those I imagine you would not approve of; American imports like Friends, Seinfeld, Frasier and Sex in the City as well as cartoons like South Park and American Dad. :-)
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ReplyDeleteSeinfeld, Frasier, South Park = good.
ReplyDeleteFriends, Sex and the City, American Dad = bad.
I like The IT Crowd ... an unusual British comedy in that it's funny.
Adam, I forgot to add The Office.
ReplyDeleteBrendano, it's a chick thing! But, hey, how could you not like Roger the Alien? :-))
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ReplyDeleteI must admit that I haven't watched it much, Ana. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think the US Office is very good. Also Modern Family ... have you seen it?
Brendano, do your daughters watch it? Ask them about Roger, or better still try to catch some more episodes yourself. There are lots of online options like Project Free TV or TV Shack. Roger is a delight. :-) The whole show is really quite satirical.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree, the American version of The Office is good. I haven't seen the other show.
With me, it's not a case of having left undone the things I ought to have done, I've left undone the things I ought not to have done too.
ReplyDelete(Alan Bennett. Untold Stories. Faber & Faber, 2005).
Beginnings do not always precipitate endings but endings always beginnings and as one adventure ends, another begins. We must realize that after all joy is fleeting and cannot be grabbed at greedily as a butterfly.
We live in freedom by necessity
A mountain people dwelling among mountains
You are exceptionally fortunate in that you have parents who have encouraged and nurtured your talents and made you feel something special and unique instead of discouraging, insulting and demoralizing.
Rehan, yes, I know.
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