Sunday, 11 July 2010
Je Ne Regrette Rien
Life is full of regrets of one kind or another, though more in the dusk, I imagine, than in the dawn. There are always choices to be made, always paths to be taken. To take one closes down all of the others. Inevitably, in retrospect, one is bound to think that things might have been better – not just different- if the other paths had been taken. It really is an existential thing.
On a simple human level one is also bound to feel a degree of regret over the pain caused to others, not that things could have been any different, or that it’s possible to go through life without causing pain. I know that I have caused my parents quite a high degree of anguish, especially when I was in my mid-teens. I do regret wounding them, sometimes unnecessarily so, which is not to say that I would have behaved differently, at least not in some cases. There are also choices to be made in love, difficult and hard choices. But one cannot live through sacrifice for the sake of others; at least I can’t.
I’ve never really regretted being anything other than I am. I’m an only child of loving parents who always did their best to nurture and encourage every talent I had, and several that I did not. I was never limited in any way, never made to feel that some doors were closed simply because I was female. I am, however, delighted to have been born a girl, never for a moment thinking how much better it would have been if I had been a boy. I can combine so many dimensions, intellectual, emotional and intuitive in a way that males do not generally do. It’s a kind of power, I suppose, the power of a woman.